Not Probable, but Possible

When I made this blog, it was all about my journey through college as a young teenager, and followed my through the choices and uncertainties of my education. It seems fitting to continue my blog as I continue my education.
I think I had titled this blog "Dreams of Tomorrow" and had written in the description something along the lines of  "a young college student aiming to use her degree to bring justice to the world, and speak up for the rights of the poor and needy."
I think I knew then that God wanted me to do law; the timing just wasn't right yet.

   So far, there is nothing interesting to relate (at least, nothing that the majority of the population will find very interesting).
  I survived through the whirlwind of an orientation, which made me second-guess my decision quite a few times. I am navigating the highways and by-ways of Virginia Beach quite nicely; I only get a little lost every time I leave.
 
What has been incredible to me is how rewarding it is to get to a place where I am really relying on God for my every need. The novelty of the situation has me leaning in closer to Him, pressing on with devotions and quiet time in the morning, and making use of my (many) moments where I am alone, just to spend time soaking in His presence.

   My favorite verses this week have been, "With man this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible." (Matthew 19:26)
and "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 1 Cor. 12:9


I didn't realize how little I could do on my own until I moved here for law school! I thought for sure that I would be crippled by homesickness, fear, and anxiety, but, by the grace of God, I have not! Sure, I get a little homesick now and then, and maybe a little apprehensive about these intimidating law school courses, but overall I have been surrounded by "peace that passes all understanding".(Prov. 3:6)

Whenever I get overwhelmed by the impossibility of my situation, I remember I serve a God of the impossible; a God with whom, ALL things are possible. That includes me surviving through these next three years!
 His power is made perfect in weakness -- could it be that the very things about myself which I am afraid will hold me back from being the best I can be, are the things he will use to glorify Himself?
In my weaknesses, His strength shines through.

I heartily recommend following God wherever He leads you, including to places you originally had no desire whatsoever to go. He really does know best... :)
It doesn't mean it will be easy, but it will be worth it. I keep telling myself (or, the Holy Spirit keeps reminding me) he doesn't tell me it will be EASY, or PROBABLE, but it is POSSIBLE, with Him.
I have to work as hard as I can, and make lots of sacrifices to make sure that I do my part in fulfilling this plan He has for me. If I am truly working my best and doing it all for His glory, not for anyone else's (including my own), then I will graduate from this intense program!

 "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." Phil. 4:13

Haiti 2015

Haiti.

What can I say to best explain this country which somehow both broke my heart and made it whole? This trip was the hardest to prepare for. I was stretched and challenged as a leader, until I was at my breaking point. So many, many things went wrong before and even during. So many times I doubted myself, I let inadequacy become my King, and I became so overwhelmed I regretted ever making this step. Thank the Lord, I do not have to be enough! I may be inadequate but he is MORE than enough. I may make mistakes, but he never does. I may hurt others and they may hurt me, but His ways always prevail, His will is always done, and He works all things for good!

I can say that with faith now, as I survived the difficult process of leading a team through a missions trip, and now get to see the wonderful blessings that have been left on us in its wake.

I believe that every person was changed a little bit for the better for this trip. We all had to live outside of our comfort zones, and endure through climate change, culture shock, some sickness, and difficult situations. I hope and pray that each team member can say that they became closer to God through this trip.

This trip changed me. I have been to two countries before this; Nicaragua and Uganda. In both instances, I felt very useless, inadequate, and overwhelmed. To a certain point, that is both expected and unavoidable when participating on an overseas mission trip. The need will always be greater than what our hands and hearts expect. Our God is still greater than the need; we just have to trust that He knows what He is doing.

I felt a little different in Haiti. Sometimes I felt the need was greater than in other countries. Yet certainly there has been a huge response from the U.S. in the recent years, so we can't say that Haiti suffers from a lack of charitable action. No, it is just the opposite. Us “wealthy” Americans have been, in effect, killing the Haitians with kindness. All our efforts well-intentioned, yes, but the fact is, Haiti still is struggling in poverty. She cannot feed her inhabitants. There are still way too many sick, untreated people. There are too many dying too young from preventable diseases or malnutrition. There is great need. It seems that the travellers’ who come in to Haiti have made many locales accustomed to hand-outs. Instead, we should be in the practice of giving them “hand-up’s”.

Our church has found a niche in Haiti. We found a place where we belong, so to speak. This really is our mission field; as Wooster is for us, as Wayne County is, as Ohio is. Haiti is part of our reach, for reasons only God knows. The heartbeat of the group we work with echoes that of our church. The visions and dreams they have, the way of training up leaders and growing small and intentionally; are values and principles not unlike ours.

Also, there is a difference between sensing a need and feeling needed. There are millions of people struggling just like the Haitians. There are hundreds of countries with similar social and physical and environmental conditions; under-developed countries with people struggling to survive. Here, in Haiti, where our church has chosen to invest, there are needs we, as a church can fulfill. We can send teams to teach, work, train, and heal, among many other things. We do have the capacity of bringing change, whether it’s by providing a generator for the compound we stayed in, or helping with start-up costs of small businesses to provide for local jobs, or sponsoring orphans of the area, or building and continuing a relationship with church plants.

It won’t be easy, and we won’t see results overnight. But we could change a few people’s lives, who could go on to influence others, and so on. We don’t know what impact we had on the families of the people we worked with while in Haiti. By sharing our time with the people, working with some of the young adults, and playing with the kids, we could’ve started relationships that eventually inspire these people to strengthen their relationship with Christ, or even follow Biblical values like working hard, spending their money wisely and providing for their families as the Lord desires.

On other trips I've been on, I haven't been able to commit as well. Without having a church who is supportive and planning to return, it's hard to really stay connected. Both places I've been, I went with a team of people from different places and different walks of life, and left pretty certain that I would never be back again.
It's hard to really connect with people when you will probably never see them again.
But Haiti was different.
I am sure I am going to be back someday, hopefully just next year.

There is so much that Haiti can teach us, as well. The community there is something unlike America has seen for decades.

Coming back home, one of the things I miss the most is playing card games with the Haitians in the evenings, walking down the streets and our Haitian friends being greeted by literally every person, the little kids crowding around you as you walked places. Here, in America, we hold everyone at arms length. Strangers are avoided, not welcomed, here. The sense of community is something that we are missing in the U.S. and don't even know it.

   Here is a little summary of our trip:
Every morning, we woke up at about 6:30 a.m. Everyone was encouraged to spend an hour reading the Bible and just hanging out with God. I loved to go outside and sit on the back steps, overlooking some of the country of Pignon. We were situated in a valley between mountains, but yet sort of on a hillside.
One of the things God was speaking to me while we were in Haiti is the importance of prayer, and how He wants me to incorporate that into every area of my life. Prayer is the secret of revival; in Haiti, in the United States, in Wooster, in my family, in my heart. To truly experience and know God, we must pour out our hearts to him and prayer and praise!
It was definitely a blessing to have this quiet time before the Lord each morning. It's a discipline that  I know I'm supposed to do daily, but sometimes gets lost in the shuffle of day to day activities.

Our work project was painting the inside of a large church, right across from our compound. I loved it when the Haitians who worked with us would sing songs, in Creole, that I used to sing at my old church.
"Here I am to worship, here I am to bow down, Here I am to say that you're my God.
You're altogether lovely, altogether worthy, altogether wonderful to me."

I would sing in English and they would sing in Creole. The sound (although imperfect because I am not gifted with a lovely singing  voice) made me think of heaven. Every tribe, every nation, singing to God the same refrain, in millions of  tongues... It gives me goosebumps.

Then we would do VBS in the afternoons. Okay, think of what a Vacation Bible School is in the U.S.... then push that image completely from your mind. VBS in Haiti was NOTHING like that. We had 80-90 kids sitting on a tarp in a concrete one-room church. They would do songs in Creole, which we didn't understand (until they did 'Father Abraham'!) then I would teach, with a translator.

I pulled out all the stops for that, going the old-fashioned route with a flannel board!

For those of you who supported us in any way throughout the trip, prayers included, we (I'm sure I can speak for my whole team in this) are eternally grateful! It truly made a difference. we couldn't have done what we did without a huge dose of the Holy Spirit, which we must've received because we survived! :)

With God, all things are possible. (Matthew 19:26)