Today was one of those days that just made me want to write a blog post. Mainly because talking on the phone takes too long, writing takes too long, and talking to myself is weird.
Two years ago, I was in the midst of my DTS. It was the most life-changing, rewarding, and difficult (at that point) event of my life. I loved it. I loved it so much, I really wanted to keep doing schools in YWAM. God seemed to have a different plan for me...
Now I am just ending the first half of my first semester of my first year of law school! I had four classes today (one of which was a mid-term) and the last one ended at 9 p.m. So as I'm writing this, I literally have to keep propping my eyes open and shaking myself awake. If I lay in bed, I'll just be thinking through the events of the day, so I may as well write a blog post :)
Anyway, I am not where I thought I was going to be this year. Yet God is reminding me every day that I am right where He wants me.
Every Thursday we have law chapel with a different speaker; sometimes a member of the faculty at Regent, sometimes a visitor. Last week's speaker was a pastor from Uganda, which made such a big impact on me since I was in Uganda less than two years ago, for two months, and I left a piece of my heart there. He spoke on child sacrifice - which I didn't even know still occurred in Uganda -- and it got me all fired up to get through another week of law school. It's worth it, to me, if I can someday help someone be freed from oppression.
This Thursday, we had a different speaker. We got the e-mail on Tuesday, while my friend Leah and I were studying in our carrels in the library (okay, so I don't know if a "carrel" is a widespread term - I thought we were getting some kind of Christmas melody to study with but no, it's actually just a desk in the law library. What a let-down.) In the middle of our quiet studying, I jumped up, squealing with excitement - trying really hard to be quiet but failing miserably - whisper-shouting "There's YWAM-ers coming to law chapel!! They're lawyers!!! And in YWAM!!! YWAM lawyers!! Lawyers in YWAM!!"... you get my drift. I exuberantly ran over to Leah (I guess I thought she wouldn't believe me) and she rejoiced with me because this is literally the coolest thing ever. in my humble opinion.
I obviously don't know what I'm going to do with my life and law degree, but if I could somehow tie in my favorite thing ever with my career, even for just a season of my life, well... That. Would. Be. Awesome. I would sign up today if I got the chance.
I eagerly waited Thursday. It obviously came. And as soon as the YWAM missionaries were done sharing their awesome message, I ran down there to meet them. I'm pretty sure I literally said, "Hi, can I meet you?? I'm Moriah Schmidt and I did YWAM!" (I say it like it's a badge of honor. It totes is.) It was so neat to talk to them and hear a little about what they're doing. I have to conquer law school so I can possibly do things like this. And fight human trafficking. And child slavery. And a whole bunch of other stuff. Being a person really bad at making decisions, I am not quite sure I like all these options surfacing around me. I WANT TO HELP THEM ALL so I don't even know where to start. It's really frustrating because I can't do anything, but keep working at my classes with all my might and main, and chomping at the bit to actually get to do something global justice related. I know, I know, patience is a virtue (which I apparently do not have in great measure). Just talking to them made me so excited about what God is doing in YWAM and the world. I so needed the YWAM reminder to get me through a mid-term and my last few days before fall break.
--Enter mid-term: I'm glad it's over. That's all--
Later, I went outside and saw this giant map spread out in front of the library and Robertson Hall. Giant. It was global justice prayer day, or something to that effect. I had also been eagerly awaiting this... ask all the girls who sat beside me the previous two weeks in chapel as they announced it and I almost fell over in excitement (I wonder if I'll be so exuberant after this semester of law school?!). I honestly don't know why it excited me so much to get to stand over the countries I've been to (lots of love and prayers to Haiti and Uganda and all my friends in those beautiful countries!!) and some that I just know I will go to, and pray God's blessing and freedom over them. Yet I know our God is capable of doing amazing things through his children everywhere. it excites me following the journeys of friends in YWAM or who live in different countries, realizing God's great plan for the world is so much bigger than I can fathom. There are so many, many people he loves, who are doing great things for Him about the world. I seriously need my own world map to pray over every day, as a reminder! God's been dreaming up crazy dreams for me, more than I can imagine for myself - and I could almost see it happening as I walked over that map. But it all seems so far off.
I don't know how I'll ever get to where I want to go. I'm getting an idea that the only way to go anywhere is on my knees.
God's calling is a blessing and a sacrifice. Law school is H-A-R-D. When God brings wrongs to my attention that make my heart hurt, I know it's worth pushing through. I can do this, through Him who gives me strength. There are better things yet to come.
On that note, I WILL BE HOME IN LESS THAN 48 HOURS. And that is another reason to rejoice.
til next time..
Thursday, October 15, 2015
Sunday, August 23, 2015
Not Probable, but Possible
When I made this blog, it was all about my journey through college as a young teenager, and followed my through the choices and uncertainties of my education. It seems fitting to continue my blog as I continue my education.
I think I had titled this blog "Dreams of Tomorrow" and had written in the description something along the lines of "a young college student aiming to use her degree to bring justice to the world, and speak up for the rights of the poor and needy."
I think I knew then that God wanted me to do law; the timing just wasn't right yet.
So far, there is nothing interesting to relate (at least, nothing that the majority of the population will find very interesting).
I survived through the whirlwind of an orientation, which made me second-guess my decision quite a few times. I am navigating the highways and by-ways of Virginia Beach quite nicely; I only get a little lost every time I leave.
What has been incredible to me is how rewarding it is to get to a place where I am really relying on God for my every need. The novelty of the situation has me leaning in closer to Him, pressing on with devotions and quiet time in the morning, and making use of my (many) moments where I am alone, just to spend time soaking in His presence.
My favorite verses this week have been, "With man this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible." (Matthew 19:26)
and "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 1 Cor. 12:9
I didn't realize how little I could do on my own until I moved here for law school! I thought for sure that I would be crippled by homesickness, fear, and anxiety, but, by the grace of God, I have not! Sure, I get a little homesick now and then, and maybe a little apprehensive about these intimidating law school courses, but overall I have been surrounded by "peace that passes all understanding".(Prov. 3:6)
Whenever I get overwhelmed by the impossibility of my situation, I remember I serve a God of the impossible; a God with whom, ALL things are possible. That includes me surviving through these next three years!
His power is made perfect in weakness -- could it be that the very things about myself which I am afraid will hold me back from being the best I can be, are the things he will use to glorify Himself?
In my weaknesses, His strength shines through.
I heartily recommend following God wherever He leads you, including to places you originally had no desire whatsoever to go. He really does know best... :)
It doesn't mean it will be easy, but it will be worth it. I keep telling myself (or, the Holy Spirit keeps reminding me) he doesn't tell me it will be EASY, or PROBABLE, but it is POSSIBLE, with Him.
I have to work as hard as I can, and make lots of sacrifices to make sure that I do my part in fulfilling this plan He has for me. If I am truly working my best and doing it all for His glory, not for anyone else's (including my own), then I will graduate from this intense program!
"I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." Phil. 4:13
I think I had titled this blog "Dreams of Tomorrow" and had written in the description something along the lines of "a young college student aiming to use her degree to bring justice to the world, and speak up for the rights of the poor and needy."
I think I knew then that God wanted me to do law; the timing just wasn't right yet.
So far, there is nothing interesting to relate (at least, nothing that the majority of the population will find very interesting).
I survived through the whirlwind of an orientation, which made me second-guess my decision quite a few times. I am navigating the highways and by-ways of Virginia Beach quite nicely; I only get a little lost every time I leave.
What has been incredible to me is how rewarding it is to get to a place where I am really relying on God for my every need. The novelty of the situation has me leaning in closer to Him, pressing on with devotions and quiet time in the morning, and making use of my (many) moments where I am alone, just to spend time soaking in His presence.
My favorite verses this week have been, "With man this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible." (Matthew 19:26)
and "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 1 Cor. 12:9
I didn't realize how little I could do on my own until I moved here for law school! I thought for sure that I would be crippled by homesickness, fear, and anxiety, but, by the grace of God, I have not! Sure, I get a little homesick now and then, and maybe a little apprehensive about these intimidating law school courses, but overall I have been surrounded by "peace that passes all understanding".(Prov. 3:6)
Whenever I get overwhelmed by the impossibility of my situation, I remember I serve a God of the impossible; a God with whom, ALL things are possible. That includes me surviving through these next three years!
His power is made perfect in weakness -- could it be that the very things about myself which I am afraid will hold me back from being the best I can be, are the things he will use to glorify Himself?
In my weaknesses, His strength shines through.
I heartily recommend following God wherever He leads you, including to places you originally had no desire whatsoever to go. He really does know best... :)
It doesn't mean it will be easy, but it will be worth it. I keep telling myself (or, the Holy Spirit keeps reminding me) he doesn't tell me it will be EASY, or PROBABLE, but it is POSSIBLE, with Him.
I have to work as hard as I can, and make lots of sacrifices to make sure that I do my part in fulfilling this plan He has for me. If I am truly working my best and doing it all for His glory, not for anyone else's (including my own), then I will graduate from this intense program!
"I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." Phil. 4:13
Monday, August 10, 2015
Haiti 2015
Haiti.
What can I say to best explain this country which somehow
both broke my heart and made it whole? This trip was the hardest to prepare
for. I was stretched and challenged as a leader, until I was at my breaking
point. So many, many things went wrong before and even during. So many times I
doubted myself, I let inadequacy become my King, and I became so overwhelmed I
regretted ever making this step. Thank the Lord, I do not have to be enough! I
may be inadequate but he is MORE than enough. I may make mistakes, but he never
does. I may hurt others and they may hurt me, but His ways always prevail, His
will is always done, and He works all things for good!
I can say that with faith now, as I survived the difficult
process of leading a team through a missions trip, and now get to see the
wonderful blessings that have been left on us in its wake.
I believe that every person was changed a little bit for the
better for this trip. We all had to live outside of our comfort zones, and
endure through climate change, culture shock, some sickness, and difficult
situations. I hope and pray that each team member can say that they became
closer to God through this trip.
This trip changed me. I have been to two countries before
this; Nicaragua and Uganda. In both instances, I felt very useless, inadequate,
and overwhelmed. To a certain point, that is both expected and unavoidable when
participating on an overseas mission trip. The need will always be greater than
what our hands and hearts expect. Our God is still greater than
the need; we just have to trust that He knows what He is doing.
I felt a little different in Haiti. Sometimes I felt the need was greater than in other countries. Yet certainly there has been a huge response from the U.S. in the recent years, so we can't say that Haiti suffers from a lack of charitable action. No, it is just the opposite. Us “wealthy” Americans have been, in effect, killing the Haitians with kindness. All our efforts well-intentioned, yes, but the fact is, Haiti still is struggling in poverty. She cannot feed her inhabitants. There are still way too many sick, untreated people. There are too many dying too young from preventable diseases or malnutrition. There is great need. It seems that the travellers’ who come in to Haiti have made many locales accustomed to hand-outs. Instead, we should be in the practice of giving them “hand-up’s”.
I felt a little different in Haiti. Sometimes I felt the need was greater than in other countries. Yet certainly there has been a huge response from the U.S. in the recent years, so we can't say that Haiti suffers from a lack of charitable action. No, it is just the opposite. Us “wealthy” Americans have been, in effect, killing the Haitians with kindness. All our efforts well-intentioned, yes, but the fact is, Haiti still is struggling in poverty. She cannot feed her inhabitants. There are still way too many sick, untreated people. There are too many dying too young from preventable diseases or malnutrition. There is great need. It seems that the travellers’ who come in to Haiti have made many locales accustomed to hand-outs. Instead, we should be in the practice of giving them “hand-up’s”.
Our church has found a niche in Haiti. We found a place
where we belong, so to speak. This really is our mission field; as Wooster is
for us, as Wayne County is, as Ohio is. Haiti is part of our reach, for reasons
only God knows. The heartbeat of the group we work with echoes that of our church. The visions and dreams they have,
the way of training up leaders and growing small and intentionally; are values
and principles not unlike ours.
Also, there is a difference between sensing a need and
feeling needed. There are millions of people struggling just like the Haitians.
There are hundreds of countries with similar social and physical and
environmental conditions; under-developed countries with people struggling to
survive. Here, in Haiti, where our church has chosen to invest, there are needs
we, as a church can fulfill. We can send teams to teach, work, train, and heal,
among many other things. We do have the capacity of bringing change, whether
it’s by providing a generator for the compound we stayed in, or helping with
start-up costs of small businesses to provide for local jobs, or sponsoring
orphans of the area, or building and continuing a relationship with church
plants.
It won’t be easy, and we won’t see results overnight. But we
could change a few people’s lives, who could go on to influence others, and so
on. We don’t know what impact we had on the families of the people we worked
with while in Haiti. By sharing our time with the people, working with some of
the young adults, and playing with the kids, we could’ve started relationships
that eventually inspire these people to strengthen their relationship with
Christ, or even follow Biblical values like working hard, spending their money
wisely and providing for their families as the Lord desires.
On other trips I've been on, I haven't been able to commit as well. Without having a church who is supportive and planning to return, it's hard to really stay connected. Both places I've been, I went with a team of people from different places and different walks of life, and left pretty certain that I would never be back again.It's hard to really connect with people when you will probably never see them again.
But Haiti was different.
I am sure I am going to be back someday, hopefully just next year.
There is so much that Haiti can teach us, as well. The
community there is something unlike America has seen for decades.
Coming back home, one of the things I miss the most is playing card games with the Haitians in the evenings, walking down the streets and our Haitian friends being greeted by literally every person, the little kids crowding around you as you walked places. Here, in America, we hold everyone at arms length. Strangers are avoided, not welcomed, here. The sense of community is something that we are missing in the U.S. and don't even know it.Here is a little summary of our trip:
Every morning, we woke up at about 6:30 a.m. Everyone was encouraged to spend an hour reading the Bible and just hanging out with God. I loved to go outside and sit on the back steps, overlooking some of the country of Pignon. We were situated in a valley between mountains, but yet sort of on a hillside.
One of the things God was speaking to me while we were in Haiti is the importance of prayer, and how He wants me to incorporate that into every area of my life. Prayer is the secret of revival; in Haiti, in the United States, in Wooster, in my family, in my heart. To truly experience and know God, we must pour out our hearts to him and prayer and praise!
It was definitely a blessing to have this quiet time before the Lord each morning. It's a discipline that I know I'm supposed to do daily, but sometimes gets lost in the shuffle of day to day activities.
Our work project was painting the inside of a large church, right across from our compound. I loved it when the Haitians who worked with us would sing songs, in Creole, that I used to sing at my old church.
"Here I am to worship, here I am to bow down, Here I am to say that you're my God.
You're altogether lovely, altogether worthy, altogether wonderful to me."
I would sing in English and they would sing in Creole. The sound (although imperfect because I am not gifted with a lovely singing voice) made me think of heaven. Every tribe, every nation, singing to God the same refrain, in millions of tongues... It gives me goosebumps.
Then we would do VBS in the afternoons. Okay, think of what a Vacation Bible School is in the U.S.... then push that image completely from your mind. VBS in Haiti was NOTHING like that. We had 80-90 kids sitting on a tarp in a concrete one-room church. They would do songs in Creole, which we didn't understand (until they did 'Father Abraham'!) then I would teach, with a translator.
I pulled out all the stops for that, going the old-fashioned route with a flannel board!
For those of you who supported us in any way throughout the trip, prayers included, we (I'm sure I can speak for my whole team in this) are eternally grateful! It truly made a difference. we couldn't have done what we did without a huge dose of the Holy Spirit, which we must've received because we survived! :)
With God, all things are possible. (Matthew 19:26)
Friday, May 22, 2015
Trusting not Stressing
The process for this trip has been a walk of faith, for sure.
I have been to Nicaragua for 10 days and Uganda for 2 months. I've never been to Haiti and I've never led a trip. I'm killing two birds with one stone I guess.
In many ways, the planning for this trip has gone smoothly.
But most of the time I'm feeling like I'm driving a car at 200 mph, narrowly missing precipices and pedestrians every inch of the way.
I don't know if it's possible to feel God stretching, growing, and molding you, but that's what it seems like to me. I am being physically and emotionally stretched, which is great, but not always fun to walk through.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6I don't pray enough. I know it and yet I don't change it. I sincerely hope there are prayer warriors out there interceding for this trip, because so many times I let my guard down and choose to worry instead of pray! I know, that's a horrible thing to admit to, but it's the sad truth!
One of the lessons God is teaching me is trust. Trust. Trust. Trust.
when I calm myself down and really, truly, listen I can hear him saying, "Trust me, my child. Rest in me. In this world you will have trouble but TAKE HEART! I have overcome the world! (John 16:33a)."
Today, our kids ministry director at New Hope was a huge help in finding VBS crafts and activities for the 5 days we'll be holding VBS. We are guessing about a lot of things; how many of the kids will have been exposed to VBS's in the past, the age group, and even the number of kids on each day, as it could vary between 50 and 100.
That just leaves - oh... fifty million things still to do.
I'll get right on that.
Then, I look at pictures like these:
and I know it will all be worth it.
Pignon, Haiti, July 12-20th, 2015
Moriah Schmidt
Thursday, May 21, 2015
I am Going to Law School
Dear friends,
My heart could very nearly burst with excitement right now. All that I have been searching for and dreaming of in the last two years is coming to fruition: I am going to Regent University School of Law.
Three years ago, I was in a very similar situation. Law had never appealed to me, growing up. Actually, it sounded quite awful to me. When I started earning my college degree during high school, I began to think, "How can I make the most of this opportunity and use my knowledge and 'gap years' to advance God's kingdom as much as possible?"
Or something like that. One of the testimonial videos from CollegePlus showed a boy who graduated from college at 16 and had his law degree by 19. I saw it as a challenge which I inevitably took up. My first goal was to finish MY college degree at 16, not to beat any record but because I knew I could do it. And I knew I needed to push myself as hard as I could, or I would question for th rest of my life if I could have gone faster, accomplished more, saved more money.
I wasn't quite sure about the whole law school part of the testimonial (obviously I didn't get a law degree by 19, since I am currently 20...) but it provided food for thought.
Fast forward to the year 2012. I had successfully finished my B.A. at 16 (with a couple months to spare!). I turned 17 and decided, "Why not do law?" There were lots of ways I could use law to combat human injustices like abortion and sex trafficking, so I decided to take the Law School Application Test, with just a month or so of self-preparation beforehand. Ever been in a situation when it is QUITE obvious that you are the odd one out?
Well, being just-turned-seventeen and surrounded by twenty- and thirty-something-year-old's made me feel inferior, to say the least.
"What the heck am I doing here?" I may have wondered at least once.
I wasn't nervous at all, surprisingly, considering that this one test could determine my future. See, I am a prolific user of the "fleece" first made popular back in the book of Judges by my good pal Gideon.
I gave God a couple "conditions" we'll say (please remember I was seventeen).
1. I will get a score above 150.
2. I will get an internship in a law firm.
3. I will receive a full scholarship.
Yes, I said full. Yes, law tuition is sell-your-soul-to-the-devil, enslave-yourself-to-the-bank expensive these days. Again, we'll call out childhood naivety here OR childlike faith.
You may have come to the conclusion by now that I did NOT get the answer to these fleeces because I am not currently in law school.
And you would be correct.
To be more specific, God did grant me both the first and second requirements and he gave me quite the hefty scholarship for the one law school where I could envision myself. There were also offers from different schools. But all of a sudden, this was feeling like the completely wrong thing to do. One condition had not been fulfilled. But the others had. So why was I suddenly feeling like I was a hurling to the edge of a cliff, about to fall? Was I really that ungrateful? I didn't think I was... Yet there was this heavy weight on my mind and heart, telling me No, Moriah. Don't Go.
So what went wrong?
God, in His Sovereign Grace, saved the day by wrecking my plans, once again.
Looking back, NOT attending law school in the fall of 2013 was the best decision I ever made. Because, instead, I went to a little town called Adams, TN and had the most life-changing, soul-wrecking, God-touched experience I have ever had with an organization called Youth With a Mission.
If you know me very well at all, you know I am a YWAM-er (once a YWAM-er, always a YWAM-er) and you know I absolutely, positively, loved it.
If I hadn't done a DTS, God wouldn't have broken many lies I'd believed about myself.
If I hadn't done a DTS, I wouldn't understand what it's like to live in a third world country for a couple months.
If I hadn't done a DTS, I wouldn't have met the many wonderful, godly friends, including my very first best friend, who has encouraged me and grown me and inspired me countless times.
If I hadn't done a DTS, I would have entered law school NEVER having lived without my family, never having been away from home more than a few weeks, never having the experience of living in a dorm-style situation.
If I hadn't done a DTS, I very well might not have made it through the notoriously difficult first year of college (which I prayerfully believe I can now handle thanks to the experiences I've had!).
At the time though, I was devastated. What would I do with my life now? All I thought I was working towards - gone. I didn't decide to do YWAM until July, and the months leading up to that were filled with worry, confusion, and fear. God had it all along.
When I did start my DTS, I made it clear to myself that law was over. Buh-bye, dreary books and torts and contracts. Never to open again. I let myself be dissuaded with some easy excuses which I didn't know if I believed or not. There were parts of law school that I wasn't looking forward too, and I let that take up the forefront of my brain. During my DTS, law was the topic I tried to avoid. But it kept coming up, like gentle raindrops on a sun-scorched land.
Countless times since returning from DTS, I've been confronted with a situation or testimonial of someone who wanted to change the world, basically "Set the oppressed free and break every yoke" (Isaiah 58:6, my life verse) by using the law, and it has worn down the defenses I built up and brought me a realization.
When God closes a door, he opens a window.
God said "No" to me at one point, but that no was not forever. Sometimes all he wants is SURRENDER, so he can give back what you gave up, but in a more spectacular way.
I don't deserve this grace!
To make a very long story just a bit shorter, I will summarize:
I applied to Regent Law this January. I got a full tuition scholarship. I am going in the fall.
My heart could very nearly burst with excitement right now. All that I have been searching for and dreaming of in the last two years is coming to fruition: I am going to Regent University School of Law.
Three years ago, I was in a very similar situation. Law had never appealed to me, growing up. Actually, it sounded quite awful to me. When I started earning my college degree during high school, I began to think, "How can I make the most of this opportunity and use my knowledge and 'gap years' to advance God's kingdom as much as possible?"
Or something like that. One of the testimonial videos from CollegePlus showed a boy who graduated from college at 16 and had his law degree by 19. I saw it as a challenge which I inevitably took up. My first goal was to finish MY college degree at 16, not to beat any record but because I knew I could do it. And I knew I needed to push myself as hard as I could, or I would question for th rest of my life if I could have gone faster, accomplished more, saved more money.
I wasn't quite sure about the whole law school part of the testimonial (obviously I didn't get a law degree by 19, since I am currently 20...) but it provided food for thought.
Fast forward to the year 2012. I had successfully finished my B.A. at 16 (with a couple months to spare!). I turned 17 and decided, "Why not do law?" There were lots of ways I could use law to combat human injustices like abortion and sex trafficking, so I decided to take the Law School Application Test, with just a month or so of self-preparation beforehand. Ever been in a situation when it is QUITE obvious that you are the odd one out?
Well, being just-turned-seventeen and surrounded by twenty- and thirty-something-year-old's made me feel inferior, to say the least.
"What the heck am I doing here?" I may have wondered at least once.
I wasn't nervous at all, surprisingly, considering that this one test could determine my future. See, I am a prolific user of the "fleece" first made popular back in the book of Judges by my good pal Gideon.
I gave God a couple "conditions" we'll say (please remember I was seventeen).
1. I will get a score above 150.
2. I will get an internship in a law firm.
3. I will receive a full scholarship.
Yes, I said full. Yes, law tuition is sell-your-soul-to-the-devil, enslave-yourself-to-the-bank expensive these days. Again, we'll call out childhood naivety here OR childlike faith.
You may have come to the conclusion by now that I did NOT get the answer to these fleeces because I am not currently in law school.
And you would be correct.
To be more specific, God did grant me both the first and second requirements and he gave me quite the hefty scholarship for the one law school where I could envision myself. There were also offers from different schools. But all of a sudden, this was feeling like the completely wrong thing to do. One condition had not been fulfilled. But the others had. So why was I suddenly feeling like I was a hurling to the edge of a cliff, about to fall? Was I really that ungrateful? I didn't think I was... Yet there was this heavy weight on my mind and heart, telling me No, Moriah. Don't Go.
So what went wrong?
God, in His Sovereign Grace, saved the day by wrecking my plans, once again.
Looking back, NOT attending law school in the fall of 2013 was the best decision I ever made. Because, instead, I went to a little town called Adams, TN and had the most life-changing, soul-wrecking, God-touched experience I have ever had with an organization called Youth With a Mission.
If you know me very well at all, you know I am a YWAM-er (once a YWAM-er, always a YWAM-er) and you know I absolutely, positively, loved it.
If I hadn't done a DTS, God wouldn't have broken many lies I'd believed about myself.
If I hadn't done a DTS, I wouldn't understand what it's like to live in a third world country for a couple months.
If I hadn't done a DTS, I wouldn't have met the many wonderful, godly friends, including my very first best friend, who has encouraged me and grown me and inspired me countless times.
If I hadn't done a DTS, I would have entered law school NEVER having lived without my family, never having been away from home more than a few weeks, never having the experience of living in a dorm-style situation.
If I hadn't done a DTS, I very well might not have made it through the notoriously difficult first year of college (which I prayerfully believe I can now handle thanks to the experiences I've had!).
At the time though, I was devastated. What would I do with my life now? All I thought I was working towards - gone. I didn't decide to do YWAM until July, and the months leading up to that were filled with worry, confusion, and fear. God had it all along.
When I did start my DTS, I made it clear to myself that law was over. Buh-bye, dreary books and torts and contracts. Never to open again. I let myself be dissuaded with some easy excuses which I didn't know if I believed or not. There were parts of law school that I wasn't looking forward too, and I let that take up the forefront of my brain. During my DTS, law was the topic I tried to avoid. But it kept coming up, like gentle raindrops on a sun-scorched land.
Countless times since returning from DTS, I've been confronted with a situation or testimonial of someone who wanted to change the world, basically "Set the oppressed free and break every yoke" (Isaiah 58:6, my life verse) by using the law, and it has worn down the defenses I built up and brought me a realization.
When God closes a door, he opens a window.
God said "No" to me at one point, but that no was not forever. Sometimes all he wants is SURRENDER, so he can give back what you gave up, but in a more spectacular way.
I don't deserve this grace!
To make a very long story just a bit shorter, I will summarize:
I applied to Regent Law this January. I got a full tuition scholarship. I am going in the fall.
Great are your plans, O Lord, how marvelous are your works!
(P.S.: Regent University is located in Virginia Beach, VA. I will be a full-time JD student which will take three years. I hope to become a human rights lawyer and work against abortion, human trafficking, and child slavery, among other things.)
Friday, February 6, 2015
More than I can handle
Lately, I've been thinking about Job. Job is a fairly long book of the Bible, with it's 42 chapters and every chapter seems to bring a new challenge. Throughout the whole book he is besieged with trial after trial, eventually losing everything dear to him - his children, his properties, his livestock (his source of income), his health, even his reputation. This book wrestles with the age-old question, "If God is fair and loving, why does he let truly righteous people suffer intensely?"
In order to fully answer that question, you'd have to read through the book of Job; really, the whole Bible, actually. But what really gets my attention with Job is that it refutes the common claim, which many Christians believe, which is that God will not give you more than you can handle.
Could Job "handle" losing his job, his finances, his food, his resources - everything that kept him alive?
Could Job "handle" losing ALL of his ten children?
Could he handle losing his health, and basically everything in his life?
You could say "Yes" because he continued living. But as you read Job, you realize he was not handling things too well. He didn't understand why God let these things happen to him. He was grieved. He cursed the day he was born. He was broken.
Yet he never sinned against God, through all of it. He maintained his faith and love for the Creator and his Savior. Even though God gave him more then he could handle.
In the book, "Kisses from Katie" author Katie Davis wrote,
Just how God decides to let things happen to us, and why is beyond me. He is sovereign, I know that much. It is hard lesson to learn - one that I shall never stop learning. even if the worst happens; a family member dies, I lose my home, life crashes around me - He is still worthy. even when I can't handle a situation and am bent til I break, He is still God! He is sovereign. He is in control. His plan is better than our plan, His ways are not our own.
Job learned a lesson through all of this. We may think he didn't deserve to learn this lesson. But in fact, we all deserve worse than what we get for "We all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). The lesson Job learned?
"Then Job replied to the Lord:
'I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.
You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without my knowledge?'
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.
You said, "Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.
My ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you.
Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."
Job. 42: 1-6
Job cried out to God and God showed up in a big way. We may not all get to talk to God face to face, but we have these eternal words in Job to remind us of this incredible lesson that God learned:
HE IS GOD. The same God who created the world and made mankind, knowing we will sin and yet loving us anyway. The same God who knew us from the beginning of time, who is Time itself. The same God who prepared His own Son to die for us at the beginning of the world, when He could have just wiped us from existence. THIS same God was in control of Job's life; is in control of our lives. Look at creation - could you ever make mountains? When you speak, does light come forth? Can you form millions of galaxies, billions of stars, or create DNA with a single word?
Job realized what I am striving every day to realize: just how fearsomely, awesomely, powerfully, wonderful, good and WILD our God is. He can - and will- work out everything in our lives for good, but we may not be able to ever see that good. It's His plan. His world.
When life gets overwhelming and threatens to break you lean on this God. The One who knows all and sees all and is All in All. You may break but He never will.
He desperately wants YOU and your love.
I know He doesn't want us to ever be in pain. That wasn't part of His perfect plan. But since we live in a fallen world, pain will come. The question is, will we run from the God, who is holding out his arms and longing to comfort us, or will we run away from Him, screaming that He hurt us? When, in fact, He is the only thing that can hold us together.
That's what He wants to do. Hold us. Love us. Comfort us. Free us. Redeem us. He very well might not be the orchestrating these events in your life which bring you so much pain (see the start of Job, where Satan asks God for permission to attack Job) but He sees all and knows all and His plan is to save you in the end, if you will just let Him.
Let me close with one more quote from Katie Davis, who left her safe, comfortable, rich life at the age of nineteen to live in poverty in Jinja, Uganda and adopt, so far, thirteen girls.
In order to fully answer that question, you'd have to read through the book of Job; really, the whole Bible, actually. But what really gets my attention with Job is that it refutes the common claim, which many Christians believe, which is that God will not give you more than you can handle.
Could Job "handle" losing his job, his finances, his food, his resources - everything that kept him alive?
Could Job "handle" losing ALL of his ten children?
Could he handle losing his health, and basically everything in his life?
You could say "Yes" because he continued living. But as you read Job, you realize he was not handling things too well. He didn't understand why God let these things happen to him. He was grieved. He cursed the day he was born. He was broken.
Yet he never sinned against God, through all of it. He maintained his faith and love for the Creator and his Savior. Even though God gave him more then he could handle.
In the book, "Kisses from Katie" author Katie Davis wrote,
"I believe God totally, absolutely, intentionally gives us more than we can handle. Because this is when we surrender to Him and He takes over, proving Himself by doing the impossible in our lives." (Kisses from Katie. Davis, 2011)God wants us. He wants to share our joy, and our sorrow, our laughter, and our pain. He doesn't want you or I to get to comfortable in this life and have "everything under control" for then it is under OUR control, not His. And if you haven't noticed, we make a mess of things. Our human nature chooses sin over righteousness again and again, which puts up a wall between us and Him. This is a catastrophe.
Just how God decides to let things happen to us, and why is beyond me. He is sovereign, I know that much. It is hard lesson to learn - one that I shall never stop learning. even if the worst happens; a family member dies, I lose my home, life crashes around me - He is still worthy. even when I can't handle a situation and am bent til I break, He is still God! He is sovereign. He is in control. His plan is better than our plan, His ways are not our own.
Job learned a lesson through all of this. We may think he didn't deserve to learn this lesson. But in fact, we all deserve worse than what we get for "We all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). The lesson Job learned?
"Then Job replied to the Lord:
'I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.
You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without my knowledge?'
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.
You said, "Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.
My ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you.
Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."
Job. 42: 1-6
Job cried out to God and God showed up in a big way. We may not all get to talk to God face to face, but we have these eternal words in Job to remind us of this incredible lesson that God learned:
HE IS GOD. The same God who created the world and made mankind, knowing we will sin and yet loving us anyway. The same God who knew us from the beginning of time, who is Time itself. The same God who prepared His own Son to die for us at the beginning of the world, when He could have just wiped us from existence. THIS same God was in control of Job's life; is in control of our lives. Look at creation - could you ever make mountains? When you speak, does light come forth? Can you form millions of galaxies, billions of stars, or create DNA with a single word?
Job realized what I am striving every day to realize: just how fearsomely, awesomely, powerfully, wonderful, good and WILD our God is. He can - and will- work out everything in our lives for good, but we may not be able to ever see that good. It's His plan. His world.
When life gets overwhelming and threatens to break you lean on this God. The One who knows all and sees all and is All in All. You may break but He never will.
He desperately wants YOU and your love.
I know He doesn't want us to ever be in pain. That wasn't part of His perfect plan. But since we live in a fallen world, pain will come. The question is, will we run from the God, who is holding out his arms and longing to comfort us, or will we run away from Him, screaming that He hurt us? When, in fact, He is the only thing that can hold us together.
That's what He wants to do. Hold us. Love us. Comfort us. Free us. Redeem us. He very well might not be the orchestrating these events in your life which bring you so much pain (see the start of Job, where Satan asks God for permission to attack Job) but He sees all and knows all and His plan is to save you in the end, if you will just let Him.
Let me close with one more quote from Katie Davis, who left her safe, comfortable, rich life at the age of nineteen to live in poverty in Jinja, Uganda and adopt, so far, thirteen girls.
"I have learned to accept it, even ask for this "more than I can handle". Because at these times, God shows Himself more than victorious. He reminds me that all of this life requires more of Him and less of me. God does give us more than we can handle. Not maliciously, but intentionally, in love, that His glory may be displayed, that we may have no doubt of who is in control, that people may see His grace and faithfulness shining through our lives.
And as I surrender these situations to Him, watch him take over and do the impossible, I am filled with joy and peace-so much more than I can handle."
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Break Every Chain
It's November. 11/10/14
This past weekend, I had the privilege of going to a dinner on behalf of an amazing organization, "Remember Nhu.' Now, up to the very moment of entrance, I had a very small clue as to what I was doing, and I didn't know who Nhu was. Learning her story has changed my life.
Remember Nhu is an organization dedicated to ending child trafficking through prevention. Child trafficking is something none of us want to think about or hear about, but it is happening all around us, to the tune of 27 million kids PER DAY stuck in this cycle, with 1.2 million being added to this awful industry per year. Here is a trafficking fact sheet with some estimates that back this up.
Troy and Alisa Sherman's (missionaries of YWAM) website found here gives more information about this evil in our society.
This is information I kinda vaguely knew but hearing it from a child who survived it changed me. I want to do something about this. I've got to join the fight to end human trafficking. I have to.
This past weekend, I had the privilege of going to a dinner on behalf of an amazing organization, "Remember Nhu.' Now, up to the very moment of entrance, I had a very small clue as to what I was doing, and I didn't know who Nhu was. Learning her story has changed my life.
Remember Nhu is an organization dedicated to ending child trafficking through prevention. Child trafficking is something none of us want to think about or hear about, but it is happening all around us, to the tune of 27 million kids PER DAY stuck in this cycle, with 1.2 million being added to this awful industry per year. Here is a trafficking fact sheet with some estimates that back this up.
Troy and Alisa Sherman's (missionaries of YWAM) website found here gives more information about this evil in our society.
This is information I kinda vaguely knew but hearing it from a child who survived it changed me. I want to do something about this. I've got to join the fight to end human trafficking. I have to.
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